Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Some People Come Into Our Lives & Stay... Others Come & Go...

Over the years I’ve had a bunch of girl friends. Just recently it’s come to my attention that within the past couple of years I have become more selective with my friendships. As a teenager I had a couple close friends & a ton of acquaintances. In college I had a handful of close girl friends, but I also still had a bunch of “acquaintance friends”. A few years after college I unknowingly started weeding out the “acquaintance friends”. Come to think of it, it started not long after I got engaged... Hmm, maybe there’s a correlation between a) finding a new best friend in the form of a significant other & b) other relationships in my life. Single gals may argue that their married friends stopped hanging out as much once they tied the knot (& I’ll address that in a separate blog), but I really think it has more to do with finding yourself & less to do with being married. So, this brings me to my point that over the years people come & go… And from talking with my girl friends, it seems that we’ve all met & possibly become friends with similar “types” of people. Below are the ones that really stood out from my conversations with my girl friends.

1) The True Friend- Do you have a True Friend? I am very grateful that I have at least 7. The True Friend is almost always mentally stable. That seems awkward to say- but hey, nowadays it seems harder & harder to find “normal” girl friends. Am I getting too picky, or too set in my ways? I’m not sure, but I do know that every woman needs, at the very least, one True Friend. She’s reliable, level-headed, loving, & always there when you need her. Distance cannot separate you from your True Friends- you always seem to pick right up where you left off.

2) Negative Energy- You know this girl. She’s the one who is always complaining about her life but doesn’t do a darn thing to fix any of her problems; she’s completely content with being miserable. Crazy, right? She’s unhappy with the cards life has dealt her, but absolutely refuses (or maybe doesn’t know how) to get to the root of her problems; so you know what that means? She’s going to complain & complain & complain until you feel sorry for her. But ya know what?? You can’t fix someone who doesn’t know they’re broken. You can’t help someone until they’re ready to make a change. The main problem with this friend is that you find yourself being sucked into the black hole of her negativity. Can you escape without some of that negativity rubbing off on you??

3) Soul Searcher- This type of friend is possibly the most confusing. She’s usually in her mid-twenties to early thirties & is in the process of some major soul searching. Is she stuck up? Is that why the world seems to need to revolve around her? Or is she just completely self-conscious & that’s why she’s always talking about herself? Either way, it’s always hit or miss with this girl; she’s either on a high & therefore able to be a great friend, or at rock bottom & so stuck in her own world that no one else exists. Everyone has been in this stage before, the soul searching stage, so my personal goal is to TRY (although sometimes it’s damn near impossible) to just bite my tongue & remember that I’ve been in her shoes at least a time or two before. Give her time; she’ll come around & remind you why ya love her!

4) The “Old” Friend- The “Old” Friend was probably a True Friend at some point in time, but for whatever reason you’ve lost touch over the years. Maybe you still run into her from time to time, or maybe she just crosses your thoughts from time to time. But either way, you still think about her. The only problem is that you have both changed, your lives have gone in different directions & the friendship no longer “fits” the parameters that were set back when you were True Friends. Maybe people come into our lives at a time when you both need each other, then fade out over the years as you’ve grown apart. Do you try to rekindle this friendship, or just let it be?

5) The Acquaintance- This “type” of friend doesn’t really need much of an explanation. We all have acquaintances. Sometimes an acquaintance is a “Work Friend” whom you never really see outside of the job. Sometimes an acquaintance is a True Friend with whom you’ve lost touch. Sometimes an acquaintance is a New Friend. The best thing about an acquaintance is that you get to decide if they’ll stay an acquaintance or become a True Friend.

I hope I haven’t offended anyone by lumping large groups of people into groups. My goal isn’t to judge, just to think through my friendships. Sometimes it’s easier to respond favorably in a tricky situation if you’ve taken the time beforehand to figure out where someone is coming from & how they fit into your life. And I certainly haven’t described everyone in the 5 categories above; I’ve just listed some that stood out right away from my own life & also from conversations w/ girl friends about their friendships (past & present).

Oh & to my personal friends who are reading this: if you care enough to read my thoughts, you most likely fall into the True Friend category- even if you think you’re just a New Friend, Work Friend, etc!



  1. I think you hit it right on! Good Article E!

  2. girl you found your calling :) but I'm not gonna lie, I am sorta nervous after reading that!!!